Delirious Diving

     Insomnia is no friend of mine. I spent last night watching my sanity slip away as the clock went from 12:00 a.m, to 1:00, 2:00, 3:00, and finally to 4:00 a.m. all the while knowing that at the inhumane hour of 7:30 I would be jostled awake by an over-enthusiastic dog and two squealing sisters. It seems to happen all of the time recently. Summer is supposed to be carefree, but yet I find that I am just as worried about the looming college apps and all of the things I should be doing to better my chances of acceptance.
     Just as I predicted, 7:30 came even when it was not welcome. I had to get up to watch my sister's dive meet. She is quite an excellent diver for a novice. However, when she got up to do a difficult-but practiced- dive she glanced down at the water and I could see her confidence slip away. The stands were packed and her knees buckled against the diving board. Instead of the graceful flip, she plopped into the water. The disappointed thud of breaking water was followed by a voice echoing "incomplete." No points were awarded. She did not even allow herself to be in the running.
     When we got home, I found her curled up in her bed crying. She was so ashamed of her moment of weakness. I knew this was one of those moments that I could really affect her future actions. So, I looked her square in the eye and told her to roar.Yes, that is my no-fail-big-sistering secret. I told her to roar and listen to how loud she could be, how strong she is. No matter how many times she messes up, she is still the same strong spirited, competent girl I love as long as she decides that she will try again and learn from her past. She knows that now- I think the tickling really cements these life-lessons into elementary schoolers' brains.
     Maybe I need to roar once in a while too. Like when I didn't get into a writing program I applied to. I thought that I had met my Waterloo, come to the end of my chances. But it was a stumble, a thunk into the pool when I wanted to do a back flip. That was all. Sometimes all we need is to take a moment to realize that the strenght is still there.
     Maybe this was all gibberish. It is quite possible since I only got three and a half hours of sleep, but I was told that writing when you are sleep deprived helps to lower your inhibitions so I will hope for the best. For now, I think I will go and see what dreams await underneath the stars.

Advice for Stargazers

     If I am Eliza Doolittle, then tonight I got to be "My Fair Lady."  I, a small town middle class teacher's daughter, went to the event of the year. It was my cousins' grandparents 50th anniversary party and it was an evening to behold. The beautiful gold and ivory draping of roses, diamonds, and silk were dusted around the most beautiful estate I could have ever dreamed of. Though enchanting in its own right, the scenery of this mansion overlooking the ocean was just an accessory to the delight of my meetings with the most wonderfully eclectic and fascinating group of people. A designer, famous baker, french actress, musician, movie producer, agent; every where I turned I found a person who had done what most people fear more than anything. They had all realized a dream.  The anecdotes they told seemed trivial to them, but fascinated me completely. They were adventures out of a storybook; tonight I believed that magic was real (the magician they hired was quite convincing) and the world seemed a much less daunting place after being in a room full of people who had seemed to master their own destiny.
     I was not made insecure by these stories as I had expected, but rather wanted to borrow a bit of their experience to use on my own path. I shared with them my dream of being a writer, and asked if they had any suggestions for such a tricky business. The answers were quite interesting.
     "You love to write? Do it. What's the worst that could happen? You don't make it and you figure it out as you go along." said a lawyer, then "Anyone can learn plot and character development. Find your voice, that is what makes you stand out, that is what catches a publisher's attention." was the reply of a literary agent. The french actress told me, "Read everything. Write all of the time. People will always tell you that you can't and it is up to you to decide if they are wrong." One of my favorite pieces of advice- perhaps the best I have ever received- was from a writer who told me, "Know that you are the best. Anyone who agrees is a genius, and anyone who disagrees is a quack."
     So, I don't know if you did, but I think I found a common thread there. Success is not an accident. It comes from passion, self-driven determination, and a confidence and self-assurance that will not allow you to give up on yourself. I hope that you, reader, will join me in following this advice. Whatever your dream is- learning Mandarin or becoming the first woman president- I think that right now, the very beginning of the book of our lives, is the perfect time to begin that push towards the future. Life can move pretty quickly and doesn't allow do-overs. That being the case, I am going to make the most of this rent-and-responsibility-free period of my life and dedicate it to becoming my best me. I am going to start by making a declaration, one that I am bound to by the laws of public access announcements, I am going to carry a notebook in my bag every where I go, write in it every day, and comprise a list of books that I have to read to enrich my literary knowledge. My hope is that maybe you will find some little routine changes you can make and maybe we will all be one more step closer to the stars.