Delirious Diving

     Insomnia is no friend of mine. I spent last night watching my sanity slip away as the clock went from 12:00 a.m, to 1:00, 2:00, 3:00, and finally to 4:00 a.m. all the while knowing that at the inhumane hour of 7:30 I would be jostled awake by an over-enthusiastic dog and two squealing sisters. It seems to happen all of the time recently. Summer is supposed to be carefree, but yet I find that I am just as worried about the looming college apps and all of the things I should be doing to better my chances of acceptance.
     Just as I predicted, 7:30 came even when it was not welcome. I had to get up to watch my sister's dive meet. She is quite an excellent diver for a novice. However, when she got up to do a difficult-but practiced- dive she glanced down at the water and I could see her confidence slip away. The stands were packed and her knees buckled against the diving board. Instead of the graceful flip, she plopped into the water. The disappointed thud of breaking water was followed by a voice echoing "incomplete." No points were awarded. She did not even allow herself to be in the running.
     When we got home, I found her curled up in her bed crying. She was so ashamed of her moment of weakness. I knew this was one of those moments that I could really affect her future actions. So, I looked her square in the eye and told her to roar.Yes, that is my no-fail-big-sistering secret. I told her to roar and listen to how loud she could be, how strong she is. No matter how many times she messes up, she is still the same strong spirited, competent girl I love as long as she decides that she will try again and learn from her past. She knows that now- I think the tickling really cements these life-lessons into elementary schoolers' brains.
     Maybe I need to roar once in a while too. Like when I didn't get into a writing program I applied to. I thought that I had met my Waterloo, come to the end of my chances. But it was a stumble, a thunk into the pool when I wanted to do a back flip. That was all. Sometimes all we need is to take a moment to realize that the strenght is still there.
     Maybe this was all gibberish. It is quite possible since I only got three and a half hours of sleep, but I was told that writing when you are sleep deprived helps to lower your inhibitions so I will hope for the best. For now, I think I will go and see what dreams await underneath the stars.