I'm Back

     Take two.
      I have been missing in action for the last few months from most of the internet due to my crazy, chaotic life.
     The masses of college applications began early in the year and  I was quickly overwhelmed. I ended up applying to 16 schools. The one school I did not visit on my college road trip from my list ended up the perfect school for me and my destination come fall: Emory University. I was the head of prom committee so my senior year was incredibly stressful, but our prom was beautiful and I don't think I could have let anyone else have taken charge of it. I know, control freak.
     The very next weekend I competed in the Miss Moorpark competition with one of my best friends. It was not the Toddlers-in-Tiaras-pink-and-glitter spectacle that comes to mind when thinking of pageants, but rather an event to groom young women into academic, charitable, personable, and competent adults. I was so humbled by the people I met and the experience I had. My best friend and I hoped and prayed we would be the top two but in no way imagined that possible. Well I came in first and she in second. We have been blessed with the opportunity and have been able to do so much volunteer work as a result.
     Now I am preparing to go to college. I have had a cloak patched with fear, saddness, and excitement draped around the last few weeks. As aware as I have been about the upcoming struggle as I leave behind family, the very best of friends, and the only life I have known to move across the country, I had yet to cry. No- as sentimental as  I am I did not cry until last night.
     Nothing remarkable happened to release the floodgates. I began pulling books from my shelves to get ready to ship, and that felt weird but I shook it off. I went out with my boyfriend and we talked about me leaving, but I have come to terms with the separation. It wasn't until we took a walk down to the park that I lost it.
     Funny enough, Moorpark has an unusual amount of parks. Don't listen to the freshman at Moorpark High when they try to argue (somewhat idiotically) that the origin of our town's name is derived from the amount of jungle gyms we claim- it is actually reminiscent of a Scottish moor. The reason I bring up the many parks is to illustrate how ordinary this park was. It was not the one sole park I had spent my childhood in, but rather one of the many. It was no exclamatory memento of childhood; but rather it was just a small piece of the puzzle. However, looking around at that park, my whole adolescence came into play. The arroyo where I waited for my friend to break up with her boyfriend still trickled through rocks and questionable substances. The hill I climbed with my best friend on our first play-date was drenched in the same warmth as all those years ago. The path I walked to de-stress during every hardship my family faced seemed no worse for the wear.
     It is me that is changing. I am stepping off the edge of saftey to venture into the "what could be." No more shy girl in the back Maddie, but rather a courageous and capable Madeline. I am scared- hell I am downright terrified- of what Georgia holds for me, but I think being scared means that I am living big enough.
     The constancy of Moorpark made me sad as I realized that I would no longer be a part of the sleepy town in a matter of weeks, but even as I cried I was somehow also comforted by the persistence of time. It is as if there is some grand track that the world travels on. Glitches and bumps may cause disturbances, we may veer from course briefly, but we travel on no matter what- always forward. I always say, life has a funny way of working itself out. In the times when we feel that there is only loss and heartache, the tables turn and we find that we are better for it. Soon enough, the clouds will clear from this going to college mess, and then I think I will quite enjoy gazing at the stars.